starting over and over

transitioning from hyper social media acivity

I, like most in this time period, have struggled to understand my own personal balance with being active on social media. Some of which stems from the various perceptions of myself projected out into the ether for others to observe, pick apart, and be witness to through whatever portal of time I may have crossed paths with them. My family still resolves to their vision of how my life should’ve been; a limited feminine figure with a commitment to uphold some variation of familial roles.

I’ve resolved to understand I want to spend far more time basking in my own visions and dreams of myself and my world, which mostly translates to spending more time here writing. Trying not to fixate on always creating something digestible. Making something just for me.

Storytelling is a powerful tool; writing has been the one relationship that’s lasted my whole life. It’s never wavered in it’s ability to show up for me. I’ve been completely honest in the lines upon lines that sit on my shelves, sewed into my notes app on every device, and in the bits of scribbles shoved in the pockets of my jackets.

A place for the thoughts to come to life and breathe.

You’ll feel the space ebb and flow - interlaced with separate publications for my work with Never Lab, creating tastings and community connection opportunities. And also another space for my own personal projects and thoughts on hospitality; Tender Taste.

My goal is to replace my social media usage with more space to think, feel, and create. Here’s a few goals for this coming year:

• 3-6 months with minimal online activity, at least instagram, facebook, etc

• 1 roll of film per month, to capture the moments I wish to share incrementally

• one intentional piece of writing a week per publication; Personal: Shades of Blue, Work: Never Tasting Lab, and Tender Taste for the more occasional/personal thoughts on hospitality/side projects outside of/with Never.

• I’ve been really into teaching myself procreate amongst other editing tools; I’ve gotten to make my own posters for the Never Lab Tastings, so, maybe a couple of cool posters a week

• One book every two weeks, maybe one a week once I’m able to rebuild - my attention span has been reduced to the scrolling and immediate need for the dopamine rush, I can hardly read through a few pages without reaching for my phone.

• Morning pages; I haven’t ever gotten through the Artist’s Way - but I’m really aiming to do so.

Pop-Ups, Side Quests, etc

When I started thinking about Tender Taste - I wanted it to be an occasional opportunity to create experimental syrups and sauces to share at private events or just with friends even. I recently created a sliding scale menu for a resource fair I helped host and while it was exciting to be able to spend time brain storming, and finding seasonal inspirations to share with folks — it really was a moment of refining clarity for me that, most of my space and time feels richest when I’m getting to be slow and creating conversation centered spaces.

Pop-Ups are fun for friends, inviting regulars and creating stamped moments of time. Most of them for me have been reminders that when you’re self funding something, and holding on to the hope of being able to recreate more resources for yourself, there’s still a layer of your involvement with it that relies on the system we live in.

I want the spaces I create outside of my day job to be ones that are capable of supporting and revitalizing my community, without the constant need to make money to keep them going. You need money for everything, there’s no denying that as a resource it’s lucrative to being able to self sustain. But relying on it in order to feel a level of success when you’re creating something of meaning, it shifts your personal involvement with what it is you’re wanting to make.

It goes from: I want to make this thing because it means something to me, because I want it to be able reach and hold the people I care for. To: I have to make sure that this thing makes enough, is tangible enough, reaches enough people on social media, is popular enough, is pretty enough, makes enough sense, and makes enough money to survive.

For the love of

I want to be able to transition into interacting with myself, with my life; with less clenched hands. To do and create things because it feels good, because I want to, and because it opens some part or piece of me up to the world.

Social media, as many of us know, becomes an echo chamber of voices shooting into the void hoping that it meets the right audience, that some influencer picks up on the trend, that at some point a line of hungry consumers will form wanting your thing.

There was a time when I wanted what that freedom of money could offer me, a time where what I wanted was the version of “more.”

In reality I actually have just craved having community. Coffee has brought so many beautiful and also difficult experiences to my life, it’s been the one other constant relationship in my life that has guided and held me in my journey to every place I’ve lived. It’s been the foundation in which I’ve come closer and closer to myself.

I want to continue making, because it’s what I love to do. Not because I want to keep up, or be noticed, or have some huge following. But simply because I want to take each new opportunity to reflect, to learn, to grow in my understanding of myself. To do better, to be mirrored in my journey as a human by the moments and folks around me.

I hope this new year treats you all with the same respect; moments where you get to meet yourself more and more.

Much love.